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Colins Crushers
Colins Crushers are a professional hockey team based out of Evergreen, Alberta, Canada. They are members of the Edwards Leagueof the GHL. The Management and Staff of Colins Crushers wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Franchise History After years of picking pop and beer cans along the ditches of Alberta's Highway 11, Colin Parada finally gathered together enough money to start his own hockey club, the Crushers. The name came from his many years of crushing cans so he could fit more in his shopping cart. Parada searched the Alberta penal system for the brightest young stars he could find. With the proceeds of the first 2 tickets sold to their inaugural game, Parada then proceeded to bathe, clip off excess body hair and buy his first suit. Captaincy Season 1 - Oct 2008 - Present - Quintin Trinkle was signed as a free agent on October 24th, 2008. Trinkle brings 12 years of experience in the GHL to the Crushers. The Crushers look to Trinkle to mold the youth that has been drafted into this organization. Trinkle's hobbies include quilting and needlepoint. Head Coaches Season 1 - Oct 2008 - Present - Lanny Elvin has coached in the GHL for 5 Seasons. His 6th season brings him to the Crushers. Elvin has a great way of showing younger players the fine art of the game of hockey. Now that he is off the sexual predators list, Elvin is ready to start a new chapter in his life. Retired Numbers None Our New Home Below is a picture of the CrusherDome. Currently holding 7800 seats, the CrusherDome has the ability to incorperate up to 22,000 seats. The CrusherDome also houses a small mall with 50 stores including a Tim Hortons, allowing you to grab a coffee and warm up in the Arena portion when some stupid retard forgets to turn the heat on at least 2 hours before game time. The CrusherDome is also home to the Crusher Casino and Family Fun Centre. While the kids frolic in the ball pit and play games, Mom & Dad can blow their college fund in the Casino. Just down from the Casino is Little Miss Crushers Hotel And Brothel. Nuff Said. Ticket Information Below is the seating chart for the Crusherdome. Please do not call Ticketmaster as they won't know what the hell you are talking about. Draft Picks Season 1 - Not Selected Yet Transactions Season 1 - November 30, 2008 - The Crushers traded under-acheiving whiny snot nosed loser Angel Brereton (66) to the Eagles for up and coming star Kasey Ligonis (65). Season-by-season record Last Records Update - December 11, 2008 ''Note: GP = Games played, W = Wins, L = Losses, OTL = Overtime Losses, Pts = Points, GF = Goals for, GA = Goals against'' Record Book Records will be updated after season 1 Current Roster Biographies TBA Recent News Season 1 - December 12, 2008 - Crusher owner Colin Parada built the new Crusher Web Site. Parada was quoted as saying "I can't believe I did this, any retard can do it, even Jack!" Season 1 - December 7, 2008 - During a home loss against their rival Jack Flash, Crusher fans took out their frustrations on the referee. Referee Chong Wei stated "Lon gey soo mow tu chee" which loosely translated means I am gay. Season 1 - November 2, 2008 - At the Crushers home opener, loud chanting from outside drowned out the boisterous crowd inside chanting "Free The Bears, Free The Bears". Before the game, Crushers owner Colin Parada recruited two polar bears and gave them hockey sticks to see what would happen. PETA is investigating. Employment Oppritunities Locker Room Attendent - The Crushers are currently looking for a female locker room attendent. The applicant should be blonde, no taller than 5'6", weight around 115 lbs, have a bra size of 36DD and not easily disgusted by ball sweat. Please forward a photo to the Crushers Administrative Office. Crushers Shop All items below are available at the CrusherShop in the CrusherDome...if you can find it... Move your mouse over each item for a description. Category:TeamsCategory:Canadian GHL Teams